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The Newtown, Connecticut Shooter: The Conversation You Won’t See Anywhere Else
Ned Holstein, MS, MD Founder & Chairman of the
Board
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Ned Holstein, MS, MD
Founder &
Chairman of the Board
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After our tears dry for the twenty little darlings and seven others who were mowed down by Adam Lanza, we begin to ask “Why?”
There
is always a dominant narrative to explain the unthinkable. Now it is
mostly about the absence of effective gun controls, or about mental
illness. Or, we hear about the effects of violence on television and
video games.
We don’t hear about the effects of fatherlessness, especially on young
men. We don’t hear that the most reliable predictor of crime is neither
poverty nor race but growing up fatherless. We don’t hear that a large
majority of violent criminals were fatherless. We don’t even hear that
young male elephants go on violent rampages unless they are kept in line
by the old bulls.
We know that Adam’s parents separated around 2006 and divorced around
2008. We know that his father, Peter Lanza, moved to Stamford, CT,
re-married, and is believed to earn about $1 million per year as a
General Electric executive — enough that Adam’s mother and he have
lived in a big home and that she has not worked.
The Daily Mail
reports quotes several of Adam’s former classmates to the effect that
his problems got much worse after the separation. “He was always weird
but the divorce affected him. He was arguing with his mother. He was a
ticking time bomb waiting to explode.”
Several
news organizations have combed through the divorce records for tidbits,
but none of them have reported obvious issues of importance. Was Mom
stable and capable of helping and of overseeing Adam (apparently not)?
Was she careful about keeping her guns out of Adam’s hands (apparently
not)? Did Dad try and fail to get custody? Has he remained active in
Adam’s life (probably not: he chose to move 40 miles away, and we have
heard almost nothing from him since the tragedy.)? Was he more capable
of keeping Adam in line than Mom, or of seeing that he got help? Was
Adam’s distress after the divorce about losing the love and guidance of
his Dad, or what?
The fatherhood narrative is absent from our society and from this terrible story.
It
was also absent from the awful stories of mass shooters Jared Loughner,
James Holmes, Seung-Hui Cho and Jacob Tyler Roberts. Of this group,
only Roberts was without a father, but we still need to understand what
it is about fathers that inhibits violence in young men.
In
fairness, most rare and awful events are the result of numerous
influences acting together. The accident happened because the driver was
intoxicated and the brakes were worn and the pedestrian was careless
and the road was slippery and the lighting was poor. No one factor
explains all. If just one of these factors had been different, there
would have been no accident.
But
fatherhood is not even on society’s list. This is especially sad
because a simple change in divorce laws towards shared parenting would
take a big chunk out of this factor at no cost. This is a much cheaper
fix than a bureaucracy to enforce new gun laws or more mental health
services, not that these might not be good ideas.
The
dominant narratives shut out the other narratives. There was a time in
America when the dominant narratives would have told us that Adam
Lanza’s soul was possessed by the Devil. Or that his actions were God’s
punishment for our sins. Or, in the nineteenth century, we might well
have heard that Lanza was not raised with sufficient discipline. Or, in
the twentieth, that this tragedy was the result of that ole’ devil drink
— either Adam’s or his mother’s.
The dominant narratives of the age close the door on other truths. They are not remarked upon, analyzed, or investigated.
Our
job as a movement is to put the fatherhood narrative front and center.
That is my job and your job. It may be one of the most powerful ways to
help troubled kids — and prevent mass murder.
It
is possible that with reformed family courts and more fathering, Adam
Lanza and his victims would be alive today. We just don’t know, and we
never will know. |
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