By Lee Duigon
June 26, 2011
NewsWithViews.com
In conjunction with the New York State Legislature’s passage of its new “gay marriage” law, a group of progressive churchmen has released a brand-new Bible to replace the old.
“By ‘brand-new’ we mean exactly that,” said Rev. Caiaphas Legion, pastor of Squawking Idiot Episcopal Church in Sinkhole, Vermont. “All the old stuff has been thrown out, so that we can have a Bible tailored to today’s needs.
“Replacing God’s word isn’t as difficult as you might think. You just get new words. We have an illustrious panel of theologians, ministers, seers, fortune-tellers, and yoga experts who have all been the recipients of continuing revelation for quite some time.”
The theological brains behind this new Nowadays Bible is Dr. Al Crowley, the Simon Magus Professor of Theology at Grand Union Theological Seminary in Mordor, New York.
“’Continuing revelation’ is just that—God has continued to reveal things to a select group of very with-it people,” Dr. Crowley explained. “I mean, why should God stop talking to us 2,000 years ago? Did She run out of things to say? Heck, no! God knew we needed a new Bible, so now we’ve got one.” FULL STORY
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