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Parental Alienation is Child Abuse
By Rita Fuerst Adams, National Executive Director,
Fathers and Families
Recently, the Detroit Jewish News wrote an informative article on parental alienation: Parental Alienation: Children suffer most from their parents’ inability to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
It features one of our members, and another one of our members wrote a
heart wrenching letter to the editor in response to the article.
Neither chose to be identified. Both are concerned about the potential
response of the custodial parent and their children and grandchildren.
During
the holidays, parental alienation is particularly difficult for
families to deal with. Many of you may relate to the letter one of our
members wrote in response to the Detroit Jewish News article. It is a story Fathers and Families hears all too often. One that Fathers and Families wishes to end with shared parenting.
To the editor, Detroit Jewish News:
Regarding your article on ”parental alienation” in the November 8, 2012 issue:
Our
family has been plagued by the tragedy of three of our grandchildren
being robbed of their father and grandparents because of “unreasonable
hatred after … divorce. The contempt is most often aimed at the father.”
“Because some parents use litigation as a means of controlling their
ex-spouse, the target parent becomes frustrated and depleted,
emotionally and financially.”
Our
son has spent over a $100,000 in court costs to retain a relationship
with his children at enormous sacrifice. He has legal time-share but
when he goes to pick up his children ages 9 thru 14 they slam the door
in his face. He calls them every day at 8pm, as agreed to and they
either do not answer the phone or answer calling him a “liar” and hang
up. He has not been alone with his children for over 3 years.
“The
child's negativity extends to the other parent's extended family,
including grandparents, even if a close relationship existed before.”
We, the grandparents once had a wonderful, fun and happy relationship
with the children. When the oldest was bar mitzvahed, we were not
invited. Our son learned of the bar mitzvah the day before after
constant asking to help plan the event and lessons for months.
The
children have been taught that their grandparents are evil people that
they should not accept gifts or birthday cards from. We keep sending
gifts and cards to our son for him to hold until that time that they may
“come back to us” and they will know that we never gave up on them.
Although
we feel terrible every day for our son’s and our loss of our
grandchildren’s love and closeness, we feel a deeper sorrow for our
grandchildren’s irreparable harm and loss of a relationship with their
father and grandparents. We thank the Detroit Jewish News for
opening this subject to the wider community and especially Robert Hack
and Richard Victor for their tireless efforts for alienated children.
As Mr. Robert Hack says "Parental alienation is a form of child abuse".
Regards,
Devoted Grandparents
What You Can Do
By Rita Fuerst Adams, National Executive Director,
Fathers and Families
As many of
you know, parental alienation is child abuse. Fathers and Families is
working on making shared parenting the norm because we believe this is a
solution for parental alienation.
One of the researchers in the field, Edward Kruk, Ph.D.,
Associate Professor of Social Work at the University of British
Columbia, has questioned whether or not sole custody is a form of
parental alienation. It certainly provides more of an opportunity for
it.
Dr. Kruk
poignantly asks, “Why are parents with no civil or criminal wrongdoing
forced to surrender their responsibility to raise their children?” and
“Is the removal of a parent from the life of a child, via legal sole
custody, itself a form of parental alienation?”
What can we do?
- Contact the Detroit Jewish News to thank them for bringing attention to parental alienation and the impact it has on our children.
- Introduce
yourself to the editor of your neighborhood paper. Work with Fathers
and Families to place stories and information about the importance of
shared parenting and that parental alienation is real and going on in
your neighborhood.
- Send the article to your friends and family to inform and educate them.
- Encourage
your friends and family to sign up for the Fathers and Families
e-newsletter so they may learn more about shared parenting and how it is
the solution for many of our children’s problems.
- Speak
out about the signs of parental alienation. It may help other families
identify the problems they are having so they are better equipped to
determine how to deal with it.
In her book Parenting Apart, parent educator and author Christina McGhee gives five key signs of parental alienation:
- The
child has a black-and-white view of his parents, perceiving the
alienating parent as good and honest and the target parent as all bad.
Negativity toward the other parent eventually turns
to hatred and contempt, which is reinforced by the alienating
parent.
- The
child mimics accusations and opinions about one parent but denies being
coached or influenced by the other parent, insisting the ideas are his
own.
- The
child’s negativity extends to the other parent’s extended family,
including grandparents, even if a close relationship existed before.
- The
child’s contempt and rejection are not based on actual circumstances
such as abuse or harmful behavior, but rather on seemingly unwarranted
or unsubstantiated reasons.
- The
child consistently rejects one parent and refuses to see or spend time
with him or her, regardless of how close their bond was in the past.
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| In the News |
Ariel Winter’s Father Asks Court for Custody; Mom Agrees
Affordable Care Act Opens Door to Discovery of Paternity Fraud
Scotland: Fathers Marginalized in Children’s Lives by Child Protective Services
NC Governor Pat McCrory: Family Law Reform For Shared Parenting
Scottish Study: State’s Marginalization of Fathers is Child Abuse
Scottish Study: Social Workers Marginalize Fathers Even After Allegations Proven False
Mission
Fathers and Families improves the lives of children and strengthens
society by protecting the child’s right to the love and care of both
parents after separation or divorce. We seek better lives for children
through family court reform that establishes equal rights and
responsibilities for fathers and mothers.
Vision
Fathers and Families’ vision is a society in which:
- Children are happier and more successful because their loving bonds are protected after parental separation or divorce:
- Children have a natural right to be nurtured and guided by both parents:
- Society treats fathers and mothers as equally important to the wellbeing of their children:
- Shared parenting after separation or divorce is the norm:
- The courts
arrange finances after separation or divorce so that both mothers and
fathers can afford to house and care for their children and themselves:
and
- Our society understands and respects the essential role of fathers.
Fathers and Families is a Shared Parenting Organization
Fathers and Families is a non-profit organization that is educating
the public, families, educators, and legislators about the importance of
shared parenting and how it can reduce conflict in children, parents
and extended families. If you would like to get involved in our
organization, you can do so several ways. First, we would love to have
you as an official member of the Fathers and Families team. Second,
Fathers and Families is an organization that believes in the importance
of using social media as a means to spread the word about shared
parenting and other topics, and you can visit us on our Facebook Page to
learn more about our efforts. Last, we hope you will share this
newsletter with other families using the many social networking sites so
that we can bring about greater awareness of shared parenting. Thank
you for your support.
Fathers and Families
PO Box
270760
Boston,
Massachusetts 02127-0760
(617)
542-9300
www.fathersandfamilies.org
info@fathersandfamilies.org
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